


Swan Song

by unholyseraphs (oncharredwings)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Dancer!Castiel, M/M, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-27 22:24:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/984309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oncharredwings/pseuds/unholyseraphs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I had a dream about this that was kind of vague so I decided to flesh it out more since the dream was so vivid. There is an original character named Kensi Braddock in this fic (minimally) she belongs to a friend of mine and I love her, so she is in this AU. In this AU Ben really is Dean's son and Dean adopted him when Lisa was in a car accident and she passed away. (I love Lisa guys, don't get me wrong) Castiel was a classically trained dancer but he gave up his career for Dean. (This is more for me and a friend than anything so sorry if it doesn't actually make sense to anyone outside of myself and her)</p>
    </blockquote>





	Swan Song

**Author's Note:**

> I had a dream about this that was kind of vague so I decided to flesh it out more since the dream was so vivid. There is an original character named Kensi Braddock in this fic (minimally) she belongs to a friend of mine and I love her, so she is in this AU. In this AU Ben really is Dean's son and Dean adopted him when Lisa was in a car accident and she passed away. (I love Lisa guys, don't get me wrong) Castiel was a classically trained dancer but he gave up his career for Dean. (This is more for me and a friend than anything so sorry if it doesn't actually make sense to anyone outside of myself and her)

His favorite spot in the house would always be the kitchen where it led out to the back porch and the garden and yard beyond. He spent his days in the kitchen, cooking meals and preparing crafts, desserts, and other projects that Dean’s job required. When he had time he went out to the garden, collecting fresh vegetables for cleaning, and flowers for the various vases around the house. When he was not in the kitchen or the garden, he found himself cleaning up after the eight year old boy that he had taken to calling son, despite the fact that Ben did not call him anything other than Castiel. 

The sun was rising over the trees that surrounded their backyard, filtering in through the windows to warm his face as he enjoyed his morning coffee before Dean made his way downstairs to have breakfast and go to work. Ben would be on his heels, complaining about how early the school day started. Just like always. Castiel smiled at the birds that came to the feeder, glad that they seemed to be taking to the new seed mix he had picked out last week, since the old brand had gone out of production. 

Heavy footsteps echoed on the wooden stairs and he counted quietly to three before turning around with a smile. “Good morning Dean,” he said, eagerly accepting the kiss Dean pressed to his lips as a greeting. “Did you sleep well?” 

“Oh yeah,” Dean whispered against his neck, nuzzling his rough cheek along flesh, before kissing his way back to his lips again. “You?” 

“Yes,” he said quietly, enjoying the affectionate contact. Dean took his coffee mug away and set it on the counter, before placing his hands along his waist instead, kissing him again. “Dean-“ 

“What?” Dean nibbled a path from his jaw to his chin and back to the corner of his mouth, biting his bottom lip playfully. 

“Ben’s going to be up soon-“ He whimpered when Dean slid his hand between his legs, teasing him through his underwear. 

“We’ve got a few minutes, I only need five.” Dean grinned, winking, as he continued to stroke at Cas gently. 

He gasped as Dean got him excited, reaching over to steady himself against the counter, his eyes fluttering shut. Dean’s practiced hand worked him quickly and he fought back every moan of pleasure, until he had to cry out when his orgasm became unbearable. Dean caught his mouth with his, milking him slowly, supporting him with his free hand. 

“How was that?” Dean whispered, removing his hand and reaching around his waist to turn the sink on.

He shivered, leaning against Dean heavily as he slowly slid down off of the high. “Good,” he said shakily, listening to Dean hum in amusement, washing his hands. He was about to kiss Dean again and offer him the returned favor but he caught a glimpse of Ben coming around the corner, and quickly placed his hand against Dean’s chest, applying the slightest pressure.

Dean glanced back over his shoulder and smiled. “Hey Kiddo, what’s up?” 

“Hi,” Ben groused, going to sit at the kitchen table wearily.

“Ready for school?” Dean grinned, leaving Cas in the kitchen to make sure he had all of his things together. 

“Yeah,” Ben said. “I guess.” 

“You guess? Well that doesn’t sound very reassuring,” he called over to Ben, watching Dean smile. 

“Whatever.” Ben grabbed his book bag and angrily hauled it off towards the front door. 

“Don’t forget your lunch,” he said, opening the fridge to hand Ben his lunch on his way out. Ben snatched the bag from his hand but Castiel smiled at him anyway. “Have a good day Ben.” 

“Whatever,” Ben said again, rolling his eyes as he stomped off to the front door to go wait by the car for Dean. 

“You too Dean,” he said as Dean made to leave as well. 

Dean paused, smiling and leaning over to give him a kiss. “You have a good day too Baby.” 

He smiled against Dean’s lips, going to the front door to wave them both off before turning around to face his never-ending day. Sighing, he shut the door heavily, wishing he could afford a two hour nap but he knew that if he went back to sleep now, he would not be getting up until much later. Besides, it was not as if his job were important for a quick nap anyway.

 

Being late had never been an issue for him before but today had been excruciatingly long, so when he pulled up in front of the school fifteen minutes passed the time he had meant to arrive, Ben greeted him with a nasty glare. Which was not that much different from his usual demeanor but he gave Ben a huge sad face anyway. “I am so sorry Ben,” he said, watching as Ben slouched in his seat, pouting. 

“Whatever.” 

“I won’t be late ever again, I promise. It’s just been a very long day that’s all.” He tried to smile and bring up the mood, as he always tried to do when alone with Ben. 

“It’s fine,” Ben said, staring out the window. 

“How was school?” He glanced over at Ben when he gave no reply. “Ben?” 

“I dunno. School was school I guess.” Ben shrugged, picking at his shirt. 

“Did you have fun? Did you learn anything?”

“I guess…I liked recess.” 

He nodded, smiling encouragingly. “You know, your father didn’t really like school that much either, he preferred to play at recess. But you know, there’s good things about school too, if you work hard you’ll-“ 

“Get to go to stupid college I _know_.” Ben glared at him then, rolling his eyes. “You say that all the time.” 

“College isn’t stupid Ben.” 

“Can we just go _home_?” Ben put his feet up on the dashboard, slouching further in his seat. 

“Ben, put your feet down please and sit up. If we were to get into an accident, you’d get hurt, so please sit up.” He tried not to sound so disciplinarian but sometimes he had no choice but to order Ben around firmly. However, Ben ignored him, so he had no choice but to reach over to try to make him sit up more. “Ben, please-“ 

“Don’t touch me!” Ben yelled at him, pulling out from under his hand. 

“Well then sit up.” 

Ben groaned, but he relinquished, finally sitting up and placing his feet on the floor, just in time as they pulled into the driveway and then he was flying out of the car and rushing into the house without another word. Cas sighed, wanting to sag against the steering wheel of the car in exhaustion because this was usually how things would play out, and he had no idea how Ben would start acting once he reached puberty. Shuddering at the thought, he slid out of the car and went inside, trying to cart groceries in without dropping any. 

Ben was sitting in the living room, already watching TV, his favorite cartoons on at this time. Normally, he did not mind that Ben came home to watch TV before homework but he had received a note from his teacher recently and Cas knew he had to put his foot down. “Ben, do your homework and then cartoons.” 

“What?” 

“I said do your homework and then you may watch cartoons.” Cas set the groceries down on the kitchen table, beginning to unpack so he could put them away. “As in right now Ben.”

“I want to watch TV!” Ben snapped, angrily turning around on the couch so he could look at Cas over the top. 

“Well, usually you can but you haven’t been doing your homework, so I want you to sit down at the table and do it please” He continued to put the groceries away, giving Ben a few minutes before finally walking over, taking the controller and turning the TV off himself. “I said _now_.” 

“You’re not the boss of me!” Ben screamed at him, glaring. “You’re _not_ my dad!” 

He stared down at Ben, wishing he could defend himself, but unfortunately he had nothing to say in return, so he just put on his stoic face, pretending that that had not hurt his feelings. “Benjamin, go do your homework. Right now.”

“No.” 

“ _Yes_. Do you want me to tell your father that you fought with me when he gets home? Because I will.” 

Ben gave him a nasty look but that had been enough of a motivator to get him off of the couch and sitting at the table to start his homework. Cas let out a relieved sigh, walking back into the kitchen to finish putting the groceries away and to start making dinner so it would be ready for Dean when he came home. Putting on another smile, Cas told himself that everything was fine, and things would get better. 

 

“Hey look who I found!” 

He glanced up from finishing up dinner when Dean came in through the garage, his brother Sam in tow. He nodded at Sam, trying to smile and feel up beat but after three more arguments and fights with Ben, he was feeling ragged and exhausted. 

“Uncle Sam!!” Ben jumped off of the couch, having won the third argument over whether or not he could watch TV, and ran over to him, giving him a huge hug. 

“Hey Ben.” Sam smiled, bending to pick him up. “How are you?” 

“Good! Today at school I learned about _space_.” 

Cas glanced up, since that had been the first time Ben had even mentioned learning and doing anything in school today. He tried not to let the favoritism bother him, but being hated by your adoptive son was extremely difficult from day to day. 

“Hey Baby,” Dean said, coming up behind him to nuzzle his neck. “How was your day?” 

He slowly turned around in Dean’s arms, offering him a forced smile. “Good. I had a good day…how was work?” 

“Work was awesome, the kids were really great today.” Dean smiled, kissing him. “Dinner smells great.” 

“Is Sam staying for dinner?”

“Yeah, is there enough for everyone?” Dean glanced behind them to check the stove where dinner waited. 

He gave Dean another fake smile, knowing that there really was not since Dean and Sam tended to eat like wild animals. “Yes of course.” 

“Awesome.” Dean smiled, excited before leaving Cas in the kitchen to go scoop up Ben and play with him. 

He listened to Ben shriek and giggle, staring sadly at the dinner he knew he would not actually be eating tonight. Instead, Cas called everyone to dinner, standing back to let everyone dig in, smiling politely when Sam went last and realized there would not be enough. 

“Oh…” 

“It’s okay Sam, I got some already, I’m fine,” he lied, nodding and smiling encouragingly.

“You sure?” Sam asked, ready to put the rest on his plate. 

“Yes of course.” 

Sam nodded, eagerly taking the rest, going over to the table where Dean was listening to Ben go on and on about the day that he had claimed nothing happened only hours before. Cas turned his back on them to start cleaning, quietly putting away anything that had been left out, turning to wash the dishes by hand so he did not have to worry about over filling the dishwasher. When Ben and Sam had finished their meal, Sam took Ben out to the living room to play a video game, leaving Dean to gather up the dishes and carry them over to the counter. 

“Cas?” 

“Hm?” He glanced up from washing the pot, staring at Dean with wide eyes. 

“Did you eat?” Dean gave him a concerned face, guilt in his eyes. 

“Yes, I’m fine. I wasn’t that hungry anyway, I’m fine.” He dropped his gaze back to the task at hand, quietly scrubbing, wishing that, that were true. But Dean walked around the counter and slid behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist. 

“Cas,” he muttered against his ear. “You are the worst liar.” 

_Oh if you only you knew Dean._ “I’m fine, really-it’s okay-Dean-“ He sighed heavily when Dean made him pull his hands away, and wipe them off, before spinning him around. “What?”

“Go sit down and let me feed you _something_. Okay?” Dean pressed their foreheads together, stroking the back of his neck. 

“Dean I’m fine, you have things you need to do I’m sure and I can take care of myself-“ 

“I know you _can_ Cas, I know you have the ability to take care of yourself, it’s the question of _will_ you. And I know you won’t.” Dean pinched his butt playfully. “You’ll run yourself completely ragged, so go sit down, let me do this, and go relax for a bit.” 

He sighed again but the weight of the day was crashing down around him and only when he walked away to go sit at the table did he realize how tired he felt. Dean was not the best cook but he did try, so that was always nice, and soon he had a bowl full of ramen and some chicken, which was actually extremely good. Then again, he was so hungry that he probably would have accepted anything and eaten it gladly.

“Better?” Dean asked once he had finished eating. 

“Yes. Thank you.” 

“Next time just tell me there isn’t enough Cas, it’s no big deal.” Dean leaned down to kiss his cheek, before going to do the dishes. He wanted to collapse to the ground and sleep but his day was far from over. 

 

“That’s…that’s really awesome Jess.” He smiled, leaning against the counter as he listened to Jess go on and on about a great opportunity she had gotten with a dance company in New York. “I’m super happy for you-me? Oh…um…I haven’t really danced in a while-no it’s okay, I’m happy with where I’m at in life-yeah…yeah I will…bye Jess.” Cas slowly set his phone down, wondering if he could even dance like he had used to anymore; it had been years since he had done any types of turns or tricks across a stage. 

When he and Dean had moved so Dean could pursue his career, he had forced himself to practice dancing anyway, to stay in shape and in prime condition. But then Ben had come along and that had slowed to a complete stop. Now, he wasn’t even sure if he had the strength or ability to dance. He was happy with his life, but there was a huge part of him that would always miss dance; he regretted that he had not fought Dean harder on wanting to pursue his dreams on stage. But that had happened a long time ago and he did not have time to think on it now. 

“You ready to go Cas?” 

He turned to face Dean, who was grabbing his coat and sliding it on quickly, a smile on his face. “Yeah,” he said quietly, pocketing his phone. He took a deep breath, releasing it as he walked, realizing with a vast amount of sadness, that he had lost his grace ages ago and he would not be able to get it back. 

 

“Stop telling me what to do!” Ben yelled angrily at him, trying to pull away. 

“Ben stop it-“ He struggled with him as he tried to make him stop throwing a fit in public. “Stop!” 

Ben glared at him and reached out and smacked him. Cas stared in shock, completely taken aback; he turned his eyes to look for Dean but Dean was not paying attention to them, he was busy looking at something at a booth. He released Ben slowly, standing to his full height, still in shock before something finally snapped and broke in Cas. 

“You ungrateful little brat,” he said, his voice cold. “You are so fucking ungrateful, you know that? I gave up _my life_ for you! For you and your father! I gave it all up for you! I hate you, you snotty little shit! You ruined my life! You ruined everything! You should have _died_ in that accident like your mother!” 

Ben stared up at him, his eyes wide and his face as white as a ghost. He had no idea what had possessed him to say all of those things, especially in public, not to mention he had yelled and his voice had risen loud enough for people to hear. He stared back at Ben in anger and rage, sick of being treated like he was the dirt on the kid’s shoe. Someone was grabbing his arm and then he was being wheeled around and Dean was staring at him in shock and anger. 

“Cas! What the-what is _wrong_ with you?!” Dean glanced over his shoulder at Ben and then back at him again. “Go to the car. Now Cas.” Dean shoved him roughly, and he could hear Ben crying as he walked away off towards the car. 

The walk back felt awkward as he was convinced that everyone was now staring at him, as if he had the word J-E-R-K tattooed across his forehead, but he went to stand by the car anyway. He stared at his reflection in the glass, until he finally saw Dean and Ben join him. Ben’s eyes were red from crying and Dean was carrying him, talking to him softly, before they were all in the car. Silence, except for the occasional sniff from Ben, filled the car until Dean came unglued. 

“Cas you had no right to yell at him like that! He is eight years old and you are a grown ass thirty-two year old man! If anyone is ungrateful it’s you! If you _ever_ say something like that to him again, I’ll knock your fucking teeth in, got it?!” 

He wanted to stay quiet, to nod and accept his fate, but his anger was boiling over and he tore right back into Dean automatically. “I gave up _everything_ to be a part of your family Dean! I gave up _my_ dreams to dance for you and for Ben. I gave up _my_ career for yours and so you could become something!” 

“Shut the fuck up Cas, Jesus! You do realize you had a _shelf-life_ as a dancer, right?! Like what? Five….maybe ten years and then you’d be a washed up wannabe dance teacher! Your whole career would have been over so yeah I think my career was a better investment, don’t you think?! It would have been pointless to uproot our whole life and go to New York just so you could have a few years of prancing across a stage!” 

“Dean-“ 

“No, you know what Cas, if you’re so unhappy get the hell out. Just get out, I don’t need your shit and I don’t want you here if this is how it’s going to be.” Dean slammed the car in park in their driveway, getting out of the car, to collect Ben and walk back into the house. 

“Dean-“ He slid out of the car, rushing after them, guilt eating at him. “Dean wait-please-“ 

“What Cas?!” Dean turned to face him in the garage, Ben still at his side. “What?!”

He turned his eyes on Ben, who was still quietly crying, feeling rage fill him again that this child had been the thing that seemed to have ruined them. “You’re letting this brat ruin us Dean. He never wanted me to be his parent and you know what? I wouldn’t want to be the father of such-“ 

“Say one more word, I dare you,” Dean snarled, pushing Cas roughly up against his car. “I’ll hit you so hard you’re grandkids will come out dizzy. Ben, go inside.” 

He stared back at Dean in defiance, watching as Ben hurried inside. When he tried to move again, Dean shoved him harder into the car, proving to be much stronger than him. “Dean-“ 

“No. Get out Cas, and don’t come back. Get the fuck out of my life. Right now. Get out!” Dean turned and stormed into the house, slamming the door in his face. 

Cas stammered, surprised at Dean’s final words, his heart breaking. He let his eyes slide around the garage at all of the projects that they had half started together and had planned to finish one day but never had. _One day_ , Dean would say with a smile. _We’ll get it all done one day Baby, don’t worry_. But now they wouldn’t have that chance, would they? No, Cas realized sadly as he slid into his car. No they would not. 

 

_Four Years Later_

 

He could only pray that the locks had not been changed in the past four years. Castiel fumbled with his keys, his hands aching and bleeding, as he finally slid the key into the lock, pushing the door open quietly, trying to not make too much noise as he entered the house that had once been his home. He dared not to spend too much time to take in the new furniture, or the way the house smelled, or to even wonder where the pictures had gone. Instead Cas stumbled up the stairs towards the bedroom. 

He came to stand in the doorway, staring at the bed, recognizing Dean’s splayed out form, almost walking over to him and begging him to forgive him for everything, but then something else moved next to Dean. There was someone else in bed with Dean. Someone in Cas’ place. He felt his heart break all over again, and quietly he shut the door again and went back to the other bathroom across from Ben’s room, trying to stay quiet. He was bleeding all over and he just needed to clean up and then he would leave again. He would leave. 

But he didn’t want to. 

 

Ben slowly peered out of his bedroom and into the cracked door of the bathroom, terrified that someone had broken into the house. However, the more he stared, the more he realized that the person in the bathroom was not a stranger. His heart jumped into his throat and Ben rushed down the hall and into his dad’s room, rushing over to shake Dean awake. “Dad,” he whispered desperately, shaking him. “Dad, Dad!” 

“Hmmwhat-“ Dean grumbled, slowly looking at Ben sleepily. 

“Cas is in the bathroom,” he hissed, his eyes wide. “He’s hurt.” 

“Ben it was just a dream, Cas isn’t here-“ 

“He is Dad! He’s in the bathroom!” Ben pulled at Dean’s arm, trying to pull him from the bed by force. “Dad please, come look!” 

Dean sighed, slowly getting up. “Okay, okay.” 

Ben quietly followed, trying to peer over Dean’s shoulder but he was still not tall enough so he had no choice but to peer around Dean’s side as they came to stand in front of the bathroom door. Dean pushed the door open and then his father was facing him again. “Go to your room.” 

“Dad-“

“Now Ben.” 

Ben nodded, slowly returning to his bedroom, but he pressed his ear against the wood anyway, he hopes he would hear what happened. 

 

Dean stared at Cas in shock, his eyes roaming over how beat up and bloody Cas was, before becoming completely overwhelmed with emotion. “Cas,” he whispered brokenly, reaching for him. “Oh God, Baby-you’re home-“ Dean pulled Cas into his arms, eagerly squeezing him, despite Cas’ small noises of protest. “Baby, you’re here, you’re really here…I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” 

“You wanted me to leave,” Cas said, his voice just as broken. “You told me not to come back.” 

“I’m sorry,” Dean said, cupping Cas’ face gently. “God I’m so sorry.” He pressed a desperate kiss to Cas’ mouth, holding him. “What happened to you?” He pulled away to stare at Cas in horror. “Baby you’re bleeding all over, what happened?” 

Cas gulped, his lip trembling. “I just need cleaned up and then I’ll go-“ 

“What?” His heart thumped in his chest, horrified at the idea of Cas leaving again. “You’re not going anywhere, you’re staying right here. I’ll take care of you, okay?” He began to undress Cas carefully, looking for the first aid to start doctoring him up. 

“What the hell is going on?” 

Kensi’s cold voice jarred him back into reality and he turned around, having forgotten that she was here. “Kensi-“ 

“Why is _he_ here? Get out! No one wants you here Castiel-“ 

“Kensi shut up,” he growled, listening to Cas dry heave and sob, wrapping his arms around Cas as he started to shake. 

“Dean-“ 

“I said shut up.” He turned to face Cas again, petting his hair. “Shhh it’s okay Cas, it’s okay.” He slowly walked Cas out of the bathroom and into their bedroom to get him something warm to wear, wrapping him up in a robe, before asking Cas to go sit downstairs. Dean waited for Cas to go before turning back to Kensi. “Don’t you tell him to get out, you hear me? That isn’t your fucking job.” 

“For Christ’s sake Dean you wanted him gone and he’s been gone for _four_ years and now you’re just going to let him back in?! What about us?! Huh?!” 

Dean stared at her guiltily. “Kensi I love him and I miss him….and I want him to stay here. I’m sorry but…I should have asked him back a long time ago.” 

“And what about Ben?” 

“Look, you’ve been great with him and he loves you and you love him and that’s awesome. I’m not saying you can’t come around to see him but what we have going, it’s over. Okay? It’s over.” He had been off and on with her for the past four years, so he had to wonder how it could be all that devastating for her anyway. “Please.” 

“Whatever Dean.” 

He watched her storm off before making his way slowly back downstairs to join Cas on the couch, wrapping his arms around him. “Cas I miss you,” he whispered, petting Cas’ hair. “I want you home…please stay home.”

Cas sniffed, nodding. “If that’s what you want-“ 

“Yes, it’s what I want….Cas I’m sorry for asking you to leave…for demanding you to leave…I’m sorry-we should have talked it all out and I was just so mad-I’m sorry-….what _happened_ to you Cas? What’s going on?” He stared at him in fear and worry that Cas was in trouble. Why else would he have shown up beaten and bloody? “Talk to me.” 

Cas swallowed roughly, staring sadly at him before looking away, seemingly ashamed. “You won’t want me if I tell you.” 

“What?” 

“You won’t want me Dean…you won’t want me at all, I’m dirty and disgusting-“ 

“Cas tell me.” 

Cas sniffed, leaning against Dean heavily before beginning quietly. “When I left, I figured I would just do it and go to New York but…no one would hire me, I was too old and I wasn’t practiced enough…I waited too long to try to dance anywhere important that would make me money…so I tried to get some others jobs but I didn’t have any skills to get any money to live a decent living. So-…so I-“ Cas bit his lip, biting back tears. “I became a prostitute….I moved around a lot, state to state….I made pretty good money…and eventually I ended up here again…close to you-and I had intended to go home sooner than this but I was too ashamed of who I’d become…of what I’d become-and then…tonight….I got beat up really badly by some asshole who didn’t want to pay me……so I came home…praying you hadn’t changed the locks-“ 

Dean stared in shock, almost wanting to pull away from Cas but he couldn’t let himself pull away; Cas needed him and he was here trying to turn his life around. Instead, Dean wrapped his arms around Cas tightly, kissing his temple. “You’re here now, you’re safe, and it’s going to be okay.” 

Cas cried quietly, nuzzling Dean desperately. “I’m sorry Dean,” he whimpered. “I’m _sorry_.” 

“Shhh it’s okay, it’s okay…..and I still want you anyway, I promise. I love you, okay? We’re going to get through this, I promise.” He stroked Cas’ hair some more, rocking him slowly. He had not forgotten what Cas had said and done but they could deal with that later. Right now, Cas needed him and he would be here for him. 

 

In the morning, he rushed about the kitchen trying to get back into the habit of making breakfast and making sure things were ready for Dean and Ben, however he almost had a heart attack when Ben came down the steps and into the kitchen. “Sorry,” he said automatically, muttering apology after apology as he moved around, cooking eggs, sausage, and bacon, for everyone. 

Dean soon joined them and he rushed to keep up, trying to remember where things were but over the years things had changed so he had to remain on his toes to keep everything in his mind and remember the changes. He could feel Dean’s eyes on him as he got everything together and then immediately turned to clean things up, nibbling on toast now and again. He knew Dean probably wanted to tell him to slow down but he couldn’t slow down, and then Dean and Ben had to leave and head to school. So he didn’t stop, he didn’t stop when they left, and he didn’t stop when Dean returned. He only stopped when he felt Dean touch his shoulder, and say his name. He only stopped when he realized he was crying. 

 

“Cas,” Dean said quietly, holding his face in his hands. “Baby….Shhhhh it’s okay…you need to stop, okay? Come on, come sit down. Okay?” He gently walked Cas into the living room, making him sit on the couch. 

“Don’t you have work?“ 

“Work can wait.” He kept his voice stern, holding Cas’ hands in his. 

“I’m sorry-“ 

“Cas stop apologizing every five seconds, okay? You don’t need to apologize for everything and anything. I know you need help and I am right _here_ to help you. Okay? I’m right here. It’s going to be okay, all right? Calm down, eat something, and relax. You’re exhausted, you probably need some more sleep….and you do not have to jump right back into cooking and cleaning the house, we managed just fine on our own and you don’t have to worry about that. Let me make you breakfast.” 

“But work-“ 

“Work can _wait_ Cas, I’ve already called them, they know. Sit here and relax.” Dean stood, heading into the kitchen to make Cas some breakfast, hoping that he would not hear more crying. Not that he didn’t want Cas to cry but hearing Cas cry was rough, especially when he wouldn’t mind having a good cry himself. He was just happy that Ben had school and wouldn’t have to deal with anything until he and Cas had figured things out more. 

“Thank you Dean,” Cas whispered when he returned with a plate full of food. 

“You’re welcome.” Dean sank down next to Cas, sliding his hand to his knee, touching him gently. “I love you Cas.” 

“I love you too,” Cas practically whimpered, eating slowly. 

Dean half smiled, nodding. “Everything is going to be okay. I promise.” 

 

He had been erased. 

He walked slowly from room to room, hallway to hallway, running his eyes over the new pictures that had taken place of the olds ones. The new pictures that had taken place were pictures of Lisa, Dean and Ben, Lisa and Ben, and then finally Dean, Kensi, and Ben. There were many pictures of the three of them; Kensi was a predominant face throughout the house, and Ben looked so happy in all of the photos. So did Dean. 

He ran his fingers along the frames that were sitting on the stand that held the TV and the video systems. He searched all over the house for the old pictures that he had taken over the years but he had given up quickly. Now he sat cross-legged on the floor staring at the new memories that he had not been a part of. He did not realize how long he had been sitting there until the front door opened and Ben was coming in, followed by Dean. 

“Hey Cas,” Dean said, smiling. 

He quickly turned around, pulling himself to his feet, hoping he did not look pathetic and lonely. “Hello Dean….hello Ben,” he said quietly. “Um, are you hungry? I could make you a snack-“ 

“No,” Ben replied, glancing over at Cas shyly. “I’m going out with Kensi soon…”

“Oh, okay.” Cas smiled, pretending to wipe an eyelash free, when in reality he was trying to not to cry. 

Ben gave him another shy look before rushing up the stairs, leaving Dean alone with him. Dean smiled, stepping close enough to give him a kiss. “You okay? What were you doing?”

He blushed, looking away in shame. “Nothing…” 

“Cas,” Dean said sternly. “Come on.” 

“The pictures…I was just looking at them.” 

Dean looked over Cas’ shoulder and down at the picture frames. “Oh….we can put them away-“ 

“Do they make you happy? Do they make Ben happy?” 

“Well yeah but-“

“Then leave them there Dean, you don’t have to change them for me,” he said hurriedly. “Please.” 

“Dad?” 

Dean half turned. “Yeah?” 

“I’m going now.” 

“Okay, have fun Ben.” 

Ben nodded, hurrying out the front door. Cas watched him go sadly, wishing they could be friends, if not family. “I didn’t mean what I said to him Dean…I didn’t mean any of it-“ 

“I know, I know you didn’t Cas.” 

“Does he? Does he know?” He stared at Dean, begging him silently to make the pain stop. “Because I need him to know that I didn’t mean it. I love him, I love him like my own child, and I’m just so sorry-“ 

Dean gently pressed Cas’ face against his chest, rubbing his back in slow circles. “I know Cas, it’s okay….when he gets home, we’ll sit down and have a talk. Okay? Just so you know, he was very upset with you gone Cas, he loved you and he still loves you now….he’d come to my room and cry, begging me to ask you home because he missed you….and he wanted me to tell you that he was sorry….but I never did call you and _I’m_ sorry for not talking to you.” 

He sniffed, snuggling against Dean, glad to be back in his arms. “I’m sorry too.”

“I know,” Dean said again more firmly. “I know. It’s okay. Starting tomorrow, we’re going to get help, okay? I won’t let you suffer all alone Cas. You need help, I can see that you’re broken and you need help getting back together. I want you to be better.” 

“Okay,” he whispered brokenly, hot tears falling free despite him wanting them to not. “Thank you Dean.” 

“You don’t need to thank me. Not for this.” 

 

“Ben, Ben come in here please.”

Cas did not bother to move from his spot of half lying on top of Dean, listening to his voice rumble in his chest, keeping his eyes closed even when he heard Ben come into the doorway. He snuggled into Dean’s chest some more, gripping him more tightly, relaxing when Dean continued to rub his back up and down. 

“Yeah Dad?” 

“Come here.” Dean patted the bed with his free hand, still rubbing Cas’ back slowly. 

He finally opened his eyes when he felt Ben sit down on the bed, glancing around shyly. 

“…am I in trouble?” 

“No Ben you’re not in trouble but we all do need to talk, okay?” Dean gently slid his hands to Cas’ ribcage, sitting him up. “Sorry,” he whispered against Cas’ ear, holding his hand in hopes of making up for the position change. He nodded, holding Dean’s hand back, staring at the blankets that were new and not his own. 

“Ben, Castiel has something he’d like to say to you.” Dean gently nudged him, rubbing his back still in comfort. 

“Ben I’m very sorry for what I said to you…I did not mean anything I said, I was very upset and angry and I was so tired…I just felt like you didn’t care for me at all, and that you hated me, maybe you did, I don’t know, and I am sorry for everything. I love you very much Ben and I hope that you have not forgotten that…and if you have, I’m so sorry.” 

Ben bit his lip, shifting on the bed more until he could climb up on it and Cas was startled when Ben got close enough to hug him tightly. “I’m sorry too,” Ben said quietly, squeezing Cas for dear life. “I’m sorry that I was so mean to you.” 

He could feel his jaw tremble with the effort of not crying but he eagerly hugged Ben back, squeezing him tightly, not wanting to let go. “It’s okay, it’s okay Ben. It’s okay.” 

“I love you Cas….I-I want you to stay…are you staying?” 

“Yes, I’m staying.” 

Ben nodded, still hugging him tightly. “I forgive you.” 

Cas smiled, placing a kiss on Ben’s forehead. “Thank you.” 

Dean smiled too, pinching Cas lightly on his hip. “So, we’re all good, right? I don’t have to worry about some weird angsty argument that’s built up because we didn’t address everything right here?” 

Ben rolled his eyes. “I’m fine Dad.” 

“Good…now get out of here and do your homework.” 

“Are you two going to have-“ 

“Good bye Ben,” Dean said sternly, winking. 

Ben pulled a face, hurrying from their room, shutting their door. Cas smiled, sliding back into Dean’s arms once they were alone again. “He has a good question Dean.” 

“Hm?” 

“Are we?” He glanced up at Dean slowly, feeling embarrassed. 

“Are we…?” 

“Can you have sex with me….do you even want to?” 

“Oh-Cas-yes…of course I want to….I know you’re clean, you got that all checked out, I’m not afraid to have sex with you….I just-I didn’t want to pressure you.” Dean cupped his face, kissing him gently. “But if you want to….then…I mean…” Dean shrugged, sliding his hands underneath Cas’ shirt to touch his skin. 

He gasped when he finally felt Dean’s hands on him, skin to skin; he had been dying for this moment since he had come home. “I want to,” he whispered, allowing Dean to lay him on the bed, slowly and sensuously undressing him, kissing him all over with each bit of exposed skin. 

“God I love you Cas,” Dean muttered, running his teeth along the underside of Cas’ ribcage, up to his stomach, slowly kissing down to his hip, giving him another love bite. 

He whimpered, arching his hips up when Dean bit him, moaning weakly when Dean pulled his jeans and underwear down and off. He stared down at Dean, whimpering and wriggling all over the sheets as Dean kissed his thighs and hips, purposefully avoiding the aching member that was screaming for attention. “Dean.” 

Dean grinned, kissing his stomach. “What Cas?” He felt Dean slowly drag his stubbled face along his pelvis, making goose bumps appear all over his body. 

“Please-“ he whimpered in desperation, his cock aching for attention. 

“Shhhhh,” Dean chided playfully. “You want Ben to hear you? Hm?” Dean smiled, finally slowly and lightly running his tongue up Cas’ length. 

“Ah-“ He gasped, spreading his legs wider as Dean slid his hands to his thighs, holding him steady before taking him fully into his mouth. “Oh God-“ He groaned, trying not to be loud but he had not enjoyed sex for four whole years, and he had no desire to be quiet now. 

Dean hummed in amusement, working his tongue all over Cas eagerly, before pulling back with a wet pop, sliding up enough to have Cas suck his fingers. “Mmmm,” he groaned as Cas sucked on his fingers firmly, before pulling away to slide his now went fingers along Cas’ rim. “I’ve missed you so much.”

He gasped, spreading his legs as wide as he could get them, nervously making small noises as Dean teased one finger into him. He expected it to hurt, since he was so nervous and worried, but the moan that escaped him was one of pleasure, not pain. He stared up at Dean longingly, reaching for him. “Dean-“ 

“Okay, okay.” Dean smiled, rolling Cas onto his side and slowly laying down beside him, pressing his chest to Cas’ back, making sure they were touching. “Better?” 

He nodded eagerly, rutting back against Dean’s length, smiling when Dean moaned and shuddered. “I want you,” he said. 

“Yeah? You want me?” Dean smiled, reaching down to lift Cas’ thigh up, teasing his hole some more with wet fingers, working him open quickly. 

Cas cried out, twisting away from Dean, pressing his face against the bed, slowly thrusting back against Dean’s hand. “Dean- _Dean_ -“ 

“Shhh,” Dean chuckled, still fingering him. “Oh you want it so bad Baby, look at you, fucking yourself.” 

He shuddered, still thrusting against Dean’s hand, each thrust pushing Dean’s fingers deeper until finally he felt them brush his prostate. “Dean-please-“ 

“Okay Baby, okay.” Dean pulled away for a just a moment, and Cas heard familiar noises of Dean searching for lube and getting himself slick enough to finally push into him with a long and satisfied groan. “Fuck-“ 

Cas stiffened, arching back against Dean’s chest, grabbing onto Dean’s hand, squeezing tightly as he got used to the feeling again. “Yes-“

“Is this what you wanted?” Dean growled in his ear, slowly starting to rock against him. 

“Yes-yes-“ 

Dean took a deep breath, trying not to go too fast right away but he had barely gone for five minutes before he was fucking Cas desperately into the bed, listening to Cas get louder and louder with each thrust. They were both sweating and desperately twisting around to kiss each other, biting and nipping where they could. Dean fucked him harder and faster until the bed creaked with the effort, and Cas was close to crying it all felt so good. “Fuck Cas- _fuck_ -“ 

He gasped, slapping the bed over and over when he finally came. He moaned Dean’s name, and soon he felt Dean follow suit, filling him up completely. “Oh my God-oh God-“ He stared at the picture on Dean’s nightstand blankly, tears swimming his vision. He tried not to think on the fact that Kensi was staring back at him in his post-coital bliss. 

“I love you Cas,” Dean muttered against his shoulders. “I love you so much.” 

“I love you too,” he whispered weakly, shutting his eyes and hoping things would change. 

 

The next time he had sex with Dean, he kept his eyes closed.

**Author's Note:**

> Interpret the end as you like. (I'm sorry that this is so terrible, I mean really wow this is really bad. Sorry....)


End file.
